Here’s what will go down at the Liberal caucus meeting.

SPOILER ALERT: you already know the answer, too.

This week, the Big News^TM on Parliament Hill is breathless, rampant speculation about what will happen at this morning's Liberal caucus meeting after two weeks of solid coverage of a potential Liberal caucus coup. 

The speculation over what will happen has been endless and can roughly be stored into the following categories. Will Prime Minister Justin Trudeau be forced to resign by ornery MPs? Will he kick the agitators out of the caucus? Will he announce he's shuffling his cabinet? Will he prorogue (suspend) Parliament to buy himself some time? Will he proactively resign? Will he fire his Chief of Staff? Will he make some sort of disingenuous, Hail Mary, policy announcement instead? Will it be some combination of all of the above?

Allow me to end the speculation. I know exactly what will happen: sweet fudge all.

That's because nothing will change no matter what happens at that meeting this morning. Even if you're reading this as a partisan Liberal, you know this to be true. By all assessments right now, the Liberal party is a termite-infested cottage: a party with a thin, rapidly deteriorating external veneer of everything being okay while, in reality, it will crumble at the slightest touch. 

Poke the Liberal party at all right now, and you'll find an infestation of scandal with no clear end, not the least of which is the document release debacle on a $400M slush fund that the Liberals have allowed to paralyze the business of Parliament. Pry back the top sheet of dead wood on the party a little further, and you won't find a saviour with a vision; instead, you'll find a hollow mess of panicked MPs, junior staffers and a self-interested, clout-chasing, power vulture. This fact is evidenced by the motivation cited by many would-be Liberal MP Brutuses: today's coup rumours aren't over some big morally righteous policy disagreement; it's over Liberal MPs starting - highly late in the game - to realize Mr. Trudeau is going to cost them their salaries.

So, who cares what the Liberal caucus does this morning?

Seriously though, what could the Liberal party do, at this late stage in their nine-year tenure in power in Canada, to actually fix the deadly serious crises of rampant crime, an inflationary budget, and a housing crisis? What could they - after pissing away billions of tax dollars and showing no aptitude for economic policy - do for Canadian business to restore an economic climate where investment makes sense? The Liberal's best prospects for replacing Mr. Trudeau have all - in some form or another - been at the table for creating the policies that created these problems.

The Liberal’s best leadership prospects, and their caucus, were all content to allow Mr. Trudeau to gut their party's governance of any mechanism that would allow him to be dislodged and have willingly propped up the man for at least 18 months longer than they should have. The Liberal's dance partners in the New Democratic Party and now the Bloc Quebecois aren't willing to do anything that would fundamentally fix the rot at the Liberal party's core either, being content to support the government in confidence votes that allow the disaster that is this long in the tooth government to survive, day after disastrous day.

It is incredibly frustrating to watch this mess continue, to say the least. The Liberal party’s abject mismanagement of government is an embarrassment caused by a group of people who are so seized with trying to keep the house of cards that is their party together that they have no organizational capacity to do things like stop violent criminals from walking free on our streets or prevent thousands of Canadians from waiting in line for a chance to get rejected potatoes.

The vast majority of the Liberal party can now be classified as weak-willed men and women who have sold out Canadians to do anything for the mere prospect of the car and driver that comes with a cabinet portfolio. Its leader is a man who can't even dream a future for himself in a life without politics, much less dream a vision that could solve the life-threatening problems he's inflicted upon our country. 

So, dear reader, it matters not what happens or doesn't happen at the Liberal caucus meeting this morning. As long as the Liberals are focused on clinging to power, nothing is going to change for you. Except, of course, if Mr. Trudeau surprises everyone and does the one last honourable thing he could do: march over to Rideau Hall, ask the Governor General to dissolve Parliament and go to an election, today.

In any event, I can also tell you with absolute certainty what the Conservative Party caucus will be talking about at its caucus meeting this morning: Axing the Tax, Building the Homes, Stopping the Crime, and Fixing the Budget.